The question remains unrealized, unnoticed, insignificant, unimportant, inconsiderate & insubstantial i.e. ruthless disregard of the parents by the child - whether it is child’s biological parents, foster parents, lone parents, adoptive parents, natural parents. All the identity enshrined into the definition of ‘parents’ are rejected, no pity and compassion by the children…… a big question mark?Children treat their parents as garbage, discarded & throw-away object of the family, an invaluable element of the house adds no value or produce further income for the family and considered them as a consistent headache and burden said by a father who has taken asylum in old age house.
An agonized scream in contemporary society almost in every house where the parents are not treating as they deserve. They have been isolated in the same house to pass the remaining days of life, treating like a housemaid, nobody talks to them or associate as a part of the same family rather considering them as a needy person who looks for help, really a terrible and dreadful ordeal having no strength even to say “No”, a silent spectator looking longingly but having no courage despite an ardent lover of the family, a disappointed parents shared their ordeal.A general impression that children don’t consider that how they came in the world and who raised & nurtured him, how they became a matured person, who brought them up, whether they rose automatically or someone was really behind their upbringing.
Where is the call of ‘obligatory, moral & ethical bindings upon us that’s we taught in the books when our parents got us admitted in a primary & secondary school, a lesson in our academic exercise, Social studies, Urdu text book, Islamic & Social science which emphasized vitally “ Love your parents, Respect your parents, Listen your parents, Care physically and Financially to your parents” treat them kindly especially when they grow old, as their strength fails they require more attention & care and more consideration of their even more sensitive feelings, the Quran says;“Thy Lord hath decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. If one or both of them attain old age with thee, don’t say a word of annoyance to them nor repulse them, but speak to them in gracious words and in mercy, lower to them the wing of humility and say, My Lord, bestow Thy mercy on them, as they cherished me when I was little” ( 17;23;24)
The verse is very candid, one Islamic scholar commented on above Quran version that “if a lesser thing than saying “UFF” to parents were known to Allah. He would have prohibited (even that)”You should not repel & disgust with your parents instead to repent on the day of Resurrection when you will be accounted for your deed.
But the situation is reversed here child doesn’t understand that who fostered him and how he came to the current status? Who has been ‘care taker’ for him when he was a piece of flesh with no ability to move or communicate any message, a silent & dummy, live piece of flesh with body and soul lying on the bed in labor room (of a maternity hospital) next to him a woman lying on the same bed known as mother of the child.
The 2nd phase of child caring starts from the labor room of the hospital as soon as the child is handed over by the hospital nurse, mother embraces the child with her breast, the first love radiation penetrates or passes through from mother breast to the child body & both gets a real essence of satisfaction, a true love for both when the child stops crying, mother smiles and looks at the child - child then starts suckling - she keeps an hawk eye on her child & shields well.
The 1st phase of child bearing - the role of mother (in terms of parents respect & devotion) is a natural instinct which must be strengthened by deliberate actions. The rights of the mother are stressed the more because of her suffering during pregnancy and childbirth, her suckling of the child and her role in rearing - Allah says:And we have enjoined on man kindness to his parents. His mother carries him in pain and she gives birth to him in pain and the period of carrying him and weaning him is thirty months….(46; 15)
Once a man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and asked? - ‘Who is the most deserving of my good companionship’? Your mother, replied the Prophet (peace be on him) - Who next, the man asked? Your mother, replied the prophet (peace be on him) - Who next he asked? Your mother replied the prophet (peace be on him) - Who next asked the man? Your father replied the Prophet”.The Prophet (peace be on him) declared disobedience to parents to be a major sins, second only to ascribing partners to Allah, as has been stated in the holy book Quran, Al Bukhari & Muslim.
“Shall I not inform you about three major sins?’ Those who were present replied ‘Yes O Messenger of Allah. He said “Associating partners with Allah and disobedience to parents”, sitting up from the reclining position, he continued and telling lies and false testimony; beware of it Prophet (peace be on him) said.He also said – Three persons shall not enter the Garden (paradise); the one who is disobedient to his parents, the pimp, and the woman who imitates men’ and
Allah defers (the punishment of) all sins to the Day of Resurrection except disobedience to parents for which Allah punishes the sinner in this life before his death”
In the 2nd phase of child caring - the stage when the child enters in third year, he needs more attention and relies on support of parents who nourishes him food and other substance to live, grow & stay healthy while the same time they nourishes their hopes and dreams too.
Parents compromised their life and needs preferring child’s future and wellbeing, for a better life and make him a deterrent to counter the unfavorable situation, a sustainable growth and enhancing resilience.It reminds me when I was doing my 1st year intermediate commerce, in one of my Economic text book the first chapter was captioned “Man born in Wants & his Wants are unlimited in numbers”.
The theme is applied here for parents who in the hope for the betterment and advancement of the child went beyond their limit & nurtured the child; they managed everything in given resources to keep the child stronger, brighter, lively and vibrant. They ate less & pretended that they were full so that the child could feed the best intakes.They wore normal dress but arranged cloths for the child conforming weather condition, they did not sleep so that the child could sleep in mother lap and even they did not change the posture that the child would wake up, they saved the child from thunder & storm and kept him embraced with mother breast to keep him warm and secured.
They minimized & reduced their needs to fulfill the needs of the child so that he might not be laid down or felt frustration among his classmate when the child were studying in school, college and university, at every stage of child’s life parents remained active and one step ahead with the only concern to raise the child enabling him to play a dynamic role in the society.Father worked day and night, kept continued the struggle for gold and glory to enhance and achieve a better life so that the need of the child may fulfill & materialize, not only father even mother also started job and both orchestrated with the aim to give the child a happy and meaningful life, a truly glorious future and honorable victory.
It will be special significance if we unfold our lives and go back to see when we were born, nursed and brought up what were the reason behind, absolutely before our parents were to rear, to educate, to protect, and to feed, to clothes & for what?
Why parents should undertake this responsibility, who asked them to care and in case of noncompliance before whom they (parents) will be accountable? What will be the reward for this painful process where a parent comes across from the stage of pregnancy of mother till birth of the child, his rearing and weaning whatever the physical and financial status of parents but they have to nurture the child because of divine rule inscribed in Holy Quran where Allah says:
“The child has a right to life – Neither the Father nor Mother have the right to take the life of the child, whether a boy or a girl, by killing it or burying it alive, as was done by some Arabs of Jahiliyyah”. As Quran saysAnd do not kill your children out of fear of poverty - We shall provide for them and for you-Truly, the killing is a great sin’ (17:31)
Regarding teaching Quran says “O ye who believe Save yourself and families from a fire whose fuel is Men and Stone, over which Are (appointed) angels Stern (and) severe, Who flinch not (from Executing) the Commands. They receive from Allah, But do (precisely) what They are commanded”… Surah Al Tahrim: 6It is the right of a child in relation to its parents that they should give it a good name not one which will cause it embarrassment when it grows older.
A child has a right to sustenance, education and proper care, the parents are not permitted to neglect the child needs or to abuse it. The Prophet (peace be on him) said“Each one of you is a caretaker and is responsible for those under his care” – “Wasting the sustenance of his dependents is sufficient sin for a man”
‘Allah will ask every care taker about the people under his care, and the man will be asked concerning the people of his household’ the prophet saidNow we get a clear message from holy Quran & Prophet (peace be on him) where the parents has been assigned the responsibility to take care for the child and at the same time it has been asked by the child (as well) to take care for his parent & in case of non-execution of divined rule both will face the wrath of Allah on dooms day or on the day of Resurrection.
It came true & realized when we appeared as a conqueror & victorious that why we had been educated and cared from our parents. The motive behind their restless night, stressful condition, a painful course of action from our elders was the only hope to raise the child to quest of consistent prosperity, a well-educated figure, an spectacular & fantastic future, enabling the child to stand on his own foot and arrive at the zenith, getting the best and successful life, a good job, a good wife, a beautiful house, a latest model car, happy children and a good name in the family etc.A dream which had been dreamed the very first day when we were born, it was the desire of the parents showing the one side of the coin and complying Allah’s instruction mandated in Quran to obligate and care the child the second side of the coin.
Such ambition and aspiration, confidence & conviction from a parents for their child to see him happy and smiling that’s why they endeavored day and night, postponed their own wishes and always preferred and struggled with un-shattered hope to grow the child even though circumstances did not favor but their determination & perseverance remained vital to get the child stronger, firm, tenacious, persistent & resolute.The synthesis of life asks that though we had been raised & brought up by the parents but what was their reward they were expecting from us, the holy Quran says to the child to return the favor what he got from the parents.
“And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, My Lord bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood”………Surah al Asra : 24We the human being are so selfish and don’t look at our birth that how we were born. Allah says in Quran that
“It is He Who created you from a single person and made his mate Of like nature in order that he might dwell with her (in love) when they are united she bears a light burden and carries it about (Unnoticed) when she grows Heavy, they both pray to Allah their Lord (saying) “If Thou givest us A goodly child, We vow we shall (Ever) be grateful”…. Surah Al Araf: 189
Allah clarifies about man creation: “Man we did cerate from a quintessence of clay – Then we placed him As (a drop of) sperm in a place of rest, firmly fixed – Then we made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood. Then of that clot we made a (foetus) lump, and then We made out of the lump Bones and clothed the bones With flesh: then We developed Out of another creature, So blessed be Allah, The best to create!”... Surah Al Mu minun: 12:13; 14
And Allah doth know what every Female (womb) doth bear, By how much the wombs fall short (of their time Or number) or do exceed. Every single thing is before His sight in due proportion” Surah AR-Rad: 8.
It is the right of the parents that their children should treat them with kindness, obedience & honor. Devotion to parents is natural instinct & must be strengthened with deliberate actions. The rights of the mother is emphasized more because of her suffering during pregnancy and child birth, her suckling of the child and her role in rearing it, in the words of Allah;And we have enjoined on man kindness to his parents. His mother carries him in pain and she gives birth to him in pain and the period of caring him and weaning him is thirty months (46:15)
Allah emphasized in Quran that respect to your parents & should not be at any cost laid down them even though they are associating Me with other god or insisting for idol worship instead Me.“And we have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if They (either of them) strive (To force) thee to join with Me (in worship) Anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did”…..Surah Al Ankabut: 8
Allah in Quran further elaborate to care for parents characterizes here that how mother carried the pregnancy and affords the load with pain and gives birth with pain, she rears & weans for thirty months and when the parents (mother & father) goes older the child must care for his parents who brought him up.“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother Bear him, and in pain Did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) To his weaning is (A period of) thirty months. At length when he reaches The age of full strength And attains forty years. He says “O my Lord! Grant me that I may be Grateful for Thy favor Which Thou hast bestowed Upon me, and upon both My parents, and that I May work righteousness Such as Thou mayest approve; And be gracious to me In my issue. Truly Have I turned to Thee And truly do I bow (To Thee) in Islam”… Surah Al Ahqaf: 15
So love your parents and care for them, they need your help & support, due to incapacitated having no more strength to muscle further as they did for you when you were a little child.